The Sympathy Umbrella

I am a Hallmark Gold Crown member, and honestly it’s just the proud symbol of a card hoarder. Yes, it’s embarrassing and the Forestry Commission is sure to call me soon and ask I save a tree, or two, (or ten). If you need a card for your grandma’s 92nd birthday, call me… I have three. I often thought Hallmark had a section for everything, but they are missing the most important one, and they will never be able to create it. If you want to stump the local Hallmark employee, ask to see the empathy card section (not sympathy, empathy). They might suggest both are the same, but don’t be fooled. You can’t send an empathy card unless you make it yourself. If that seems like a daunting task from elementary school art class, just simply fold a while piece of paper in half and write “I wish I could take away your hurt and pain, or at lest take away the people who compare it to the time their hamster died”. Empathy has no card, but this is really not about cards, it’s about something much deeper that needs to be understood: Sympathy and empathy.

Sympathy is the common feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, or misfortune. Empathy, however, is the ability to understand and share another person's experiences, emotions, and feelings. As Christians, understanding the distinctiveness in both sympathy and empathy is an urgent matter. It is not a question of which one is right and which one is wrong. Rather, a question of ability and willingness. Sympathy often seems to yell louder than the empathy we have to offer. I've found my sympathy radar stretches far, but my empathy radar is broken. Over time, pride breaks the very foundation empathy grows from, and I've let that foundation lay in ruin more so than I'd like to confess. We use both terms as though they are synonymous, and overlook the power empathy has to offer. We defer to sympathy as a habitual response to umbrella the hurt others feel.

Do you have the ability to show empathy? If so, do you have the willingness?

We can’t show empathy if we have never walked the road, which is why we have sympathy. We can’t have empathy in all things. I recently listened to a woman’s testimony about aborting her child and the hurt and shame she had after making that choice. I cannot imagine that hurt. I’ve never experienced that hurt. I have sympathy for her, but that is all I can offer. I have never walked down that road, so I am unable to show empathy. Yet, many have walked down that road of hurt and they have the ability to empathize, but does pride stand in the way? God just appointed an opportunity and either pride or vulnerability determine the next step. I share this trusting what I write next might be better understood.

Sympathy is not bad when it is all we have to offer, but when we have the ability to offer empathy and still make the choice against it, we allow pride to open up our sympathy umbrella. The truth is, a sympathy umbrella does not work in the hailstorms and tornadoes of life. We each face challenging and difficult seasons. We have hurt, shame, and struggle with sin. If you have found victory in a storm where others find themselves, fold up your sympathy umbrella, and get real. People need to hear your story of victory just as much as you need to share that story. Empathy is sharing your testimony of victory to show others they too are never further than God’s hand can reach. Many people need to hear us say “ Me too”, “I can remember that season in my life”, or even “I’m currently struggling in that same area”. People have heard the words “Bless your heart” too many times to make any difference.

Empathy holds the hand of the heartbroken. When we hold someone’s hand that is walking down the road we once walked, we can guide them much better than if we just shout, “Bless your heart” from a distance. People don’t need to borrow your compass; they need to borrow your hand. Don’t be afraid of what people think when they see you walking in-hand with the discouraged, confused, and hurt. They are still just holding the umbrella.

People walk down many difficult roads: Sexual addiction, arrogance, depression, drug addiction, lust, infidelity, pride, homosexuality, pornography, forgiveness of others. The list could go on, but if we get real, we all have walked down one of those roads, and it is unfortunate that we may have walked it alone. The good news is, they don’t have to, but it is up to us.

Don’t let someone walk the road alone. Be vulnerable enough to show empathy and watch the beauty of sharing your testimony bring hope.

"For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:14 -15).

Christ not only shows sympathy, but empathy too as His word proclaims He has been tempted in the same ways we are tempted but without sin.

Close the umbrella and get wet!

Love you all,

-Trent